It's Too Late
by makasarili
Summary: Muraki rants. Songfic using Weiss It's Too Late


Title: It's Too Late  
  
Genre: Songfic  
  
Pairing: Muraki/Tsuzuki really one sided, all in the doctor's head.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Disclaimer: Song used "It's too late" by Wei( Kreuz and characters used from "Yami no Matsuei" are the property of the copyright owners. Translation taken from animelyrics. Only a complete fool would believe that I own them.  
  
Author's Notes: Spoiler alert, this is after Kyoto. Muraki doesn't get to kill anybody in his fic. Muraki rants. This fic is mostly Muraki, references to other characters but no real interaction, except for flashback moments, it was the one sure way he wouldn't kill anyone (unless maybe, he were to kill himself?). All the shinigamis are busy with their work so they don't show up at all here. Muraki's POV  
  
Honou no you na Kanashimi iyasu Tsumetai ame ga konya wa furi tsuzuku  
  
Like the flames I lost you to, sadness overwhelms me, too The rain sends shivers down my spine and seeps into my memory  
  
My dear Tsuzuki-san.my thoughts turn to you .and that last night when we were together...the fires of hell... the night of what would have been our lover's double suicide. (Well we could argue your being "alive" but that is not the point.) Rain starts pouring down. I remember your eyes drowning in tears even when you had shut your mind away. I tasted them those tears of yours.  
  
Dareka wo aishi Dareka wo nikumi Itameta mune no oku made shimite iku  
  
Who was it that loves you so? Who was it that hates you so? I gasp in pain- the memories begin to swirl inside my mind  
  
Those meddlers. The secretary. The scientist. That boy. Ukiyou. The doctor made a face as his hand went to his side. The flashback in his mind "this will be our graves". The bloody knife that he had used on Tsuzuki and which Tsuzuki used on him. There was no more bleeding, the wound had healed, yet the memory was still fresh as if it was yesterday. He had been so sure that he would die there together with his beloved.  
  
Ano hi shinjita koto Sore wo koukai nanka shite nai  
  
Should I believe in what we did then? And if I do, leave you behind and feel regret again?  
  
I thought it would be over that night. It has been months since then. Would it have been better if I died that night? I thought I would die but here I am breathing in and out. Alone. You're out of my reach. I had been able to break into Meifu when you broke down the shields with your mental collapse at that time. It was wonderful, really awe inspiring. What incredible power! I played my cards carefully just to break you down; I can't do the same thing over again. What shall I do now?  
  
Itsu ka wakareru koto Unmei no yakusoku da yo to  
  
Is this the way to say goodbye, love? When you and I had promises yet to fulfil?  
  
I can finally move around. I may not be "normal" but I don't have the healing abilities of a shinigami. My friends tell me I should move on. Surprised Tsuzuki-san? I do have friends. Friends in high places...friends who need favors and grant favors. Friends looking to live longer. I still have to prepare your million roses. among other things. I'll take them to you.  
  
KISSU ga sabishikute Kokoro hanareteku Futari kako ni aetara yokatta no ni  
  
That kiss you placed upon my heart, there still remains a lonely mark Can't seem to lose the memories of when we met in the dark  
  
I know I am not carrying a million roses in my single bouquet but be patient my love. You didn't even know about this Tsuzuki-san...your own grave? Grandfather didn't want to lose you then, so he buried you close. It has been said "Keep your friends close, your enemies closer." You were a treasure to be held the closest. You never liked me holding you so close but how else could I hold you. These were my first clue that you were special... the records... that photograph. You stole my heart then. I prayed for years to meet you. Are you surprised Tsuzuki-san that I could actually pray? A sinner like me? A murderer. A serial murderer. Do you remember our meetings at Oura Catholic Church?  
  
Setsunai omoi mo itsuka Sotto natsukashiku naru  
  
And as I sigh, I can feel you once again But it fades just as fast as it began  
  
Ah.You were more than what I expected. You surprised me. You always seem to do that in spite of my best efforts to prepare for our meetings. I already knew you were special but every time we met you always make me want you more. Just by breathing in I can remember your scent and my tongue moves over my lips as I long to taste you again. Memories can only do so much, to taste you and feel you once again and to never let you go. But as I release that breath I feel like I am losing you all over again.  
  
Naze umareta no ka Naze ikiteru no ka Donna riyuu mo ame ga keshite iku  
  
Why are we born into this life? Why do we die into the night? It seems the only one who ever knows these things is the rain  
  
It's getting late as I turn to go. I tired to make you understand the truth, that which your "friends" do their best to shield you from. The truth YOU keep hidden from YOUR FRIENDS. They are not really your friends at all are they Tsuzuki-san, if you could not trust them to understand? That is why you and I alone were perfect for each other; only the two of us would have been able to understand each other. I know your secrets. even the ones you had forgotten. I taste the rain. I remember the taste of your tears. They are not the same but I still feel strangely satisfied tasting the rain.  
  
Nani mo tsutawaranakute Ai wa kowareru  
  
Which takes my tears, keeps them oh so far at bay Until love fades away  
  
If you could see me now Tsuzuki-san. I am crying for you. No one is here to see me. I see my reflection as I pass a window, with the rain streaming down, it is impossible to distinguish the flowing tears on my face. The rain comes down harder and blurs my reflection.  
  
Aoi honou wa Kiyoku no na-nokori Hari no you na ame ga tsuki-sashite iku  
  
Gaze into the flames of blue, all my memories to view The rain comes pouring down like stinging needles falling from the sky  
  
Alone in my room I light a cigarette. A momentary flicker of deep violet fire, they remind me of your eyes. Smoking will kill you, my professor once told me. I smile in spite of myself, if he knew of my other "vices" earlier he would have encouraged me to keep smoking instead. He never knew that in more ways than one I was chasing after Death. The rain shows no sign of stopping. The rain is just coming down harder and faster.  
  
Dareka no sakebi Dareka no yume ga Nureta hodou no katasumi iki taeru  
  
Who was it that screamed in fear? Who was it that dreamed in tears? I hear the voices but the faces have been washed away for years  
  
The rain is loud and I can almost imagine it loud enough to drown the boy's scream. He screamed for help that night but nobody heard him at all. except me... the one person who had no interest in helping him. He cried quietly when his voice was gone, similar to your silent tears. I remember how you tears flowed, even if you saw nothing with our eyes open. Somewhere lost in your own mind. The rain is loud enough to drown all the screams of those souls who I had cut down to lay beneath your feet.  
  
Nani mo dekinai kedo Hitotsu mamoritai mono ga atta yo Tou ni kakushita kara Ima wa warau shika nai no sa  
  
I fear there's nothing that I can do Soaked by the rain I stand upon the concrete, sobbing now It seems so long since I last held you And even longer since the last time that you smiled...  
  
I go into the rain to let it cleanse me. It hits me hard. Unforgiving. Unrelenting. Like that secretary. I remember you; just touching your lips brought me ecstasy and that was just my thumb running over your lips. I look at my arms. These arms that have held you. I miss you. I hug myself but I can't feel you in my arms. Empty arms. The memory of your body in my arms is not enough. I want to feel you in my arms again. I feel the need to touch you. your hair... your body.your soul. I remember your sweet scent and your sweet essence. Your weakness for sweets. Your sweet smile that you guarded jealousy while in my company. I have seen that smile countless of times even if it was always from quite a distance.  
  
Ame ga kanashikute Subete kanashikute Moshimo shiawasena toki kizametara Hakanai negai to shitte Sotto namida wo yurasu  
  
This rain that hides my tears away, this rain that turns the world to gray Those happy memories of you and I are slashed in the night Fading so fast, as I watch them, helplessly All my tears have begun to overflow  
  
I still wear white but in my heart I only see gray. I long to see amethyst eyes again... those that reflected my own reflection at me. No one else has those eyes and I may never see them again. I am sad. I am very sad. I was always glad to be with you. Nagasaki, Queen Camellia and Kyoto. It is so unfair that we are not together, that you are with that boy right now. He never knew you existed until you were assigned as partners. I have been the one searching for you for years, and I should be denied the very pleasure of your company, even when you were me in Nagasaki, you were thinking of that boy. I close my eyes and I can imagine your eyes looking only at me, but I can not hold that image for so long. Unbidden I also see you close those eyes, as you summon Touda to kill us. The black flame, which fades into white as I was spirited away. I laugh to myself as I feel my own tears stream down my face. I have no one except myself to wipe my tears away.  
  
Ame yo furu ga ii Honou kieru made Soshite yume no uta kata o houmurou Nani mo tsutawara nakute Ai wa kowareru Ai wa kowareru  
  
This rain that washes pain away, this rain that blows the flames away And lets the dreamers dream of songs to sing, releases the life And takes my tears, keeps them oh so far at bay Until love fades away, until love fades away...  
  
I come in from the rain. It is really late and I return to my room. I wearily take off my wet clothes and change into something dry. It's still raining as I finally climb into bed, but it's starting to slow down. I lie in bed alone but soon I am dreaming. I dream of you, my beautiful Tsuzuki-san, as I have been dreaming of you for years, even before I met you. After all it was our fate that, we should meet. We were tied deeper together than you ever knew. We descendants of darkness. It is true. After all you died years ago but I still met you in my lifetime. You cried in your dreams. I cry in mine now. Where are you my beloved?  
  
OWARI 


End file.
